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Is Dating in College a Dying Concept?

January 25, 2017

What happened to the days of having a boyfriend or a girlfriend and walking hand in hand through the breezeway?  Where are the spontaneous gestures and sweet nothings whispered amongst young couples?  Doesn’t seem like giving flowers, taking a girl to dinner, or a hint of chivalry is flourishing in college.  My daughter is bright, beautiful, fun, witty, a true “catch.”  It boggles my mind that she and her close girlfriends don’t date!  What happened to those wonderful romantic days?

 

“Hello my name is Jolie…and I’m in love with LOVE.”

 

I’ll admit, I was that girl who always had a boyfriend.  Looking back, it was needy…downright dependent.  However, it was also wonderfully chock full of tender touches and butterfly moments.  I’m not advocating going out and getting a boyfriend “just because.”  In fact, I admire the strength of young women in college.  I’m just puzzled…no, downright BAFFLED by their lack of meaningful connection for any duration longer then a night.

 

Something seems lost.  I hear my daughter’s friends talk about “hook ups” and get togethers,  and it all seems so rushed and fleeting.  It’s as if these young women think they actually know if a mate is right or wrong in an hour.  Gosh…that feels like it’s an awful lot of pressure on a guy to get it just right and impress a girl in 60 minutes.

 

Are these young ladies looking for more then one night with a man?  Because if so…to truly, truly get to know someone, the whole person….takes time.  Men (and women) show you different aspects of themselves as time unfolds.  It might take awhile for someone to try out their humor, their suaveness, and certainly, their boldness.  And yet, it feels like it’s all supposed to happen at a party or perhaps a bar in one night.  No one shows all their inner self in one night, not the extraordinary beauty of vulnerability which can only come with time and trust.

 

So I ask myself, this woman who’s in love with “love”…why are the millennials avoiding relationships?  Does social media play a part?  Probably.  But I’m not an expert in how social media affects different aspects of our lives.  Is it the immediate gratification that they seek because they’re use to that?  I mean, you can order something on Amazon and zing..it’s at your door in a day.  You can Google any topic, and boom…you have the answer in a nano second.

 

Has this generation been programmed to think that’s how dating works as well? In an instant you’ll “know” if this is the real deal or just a hook up?

 

I can only offer this thought.  Dating is wonderful and completely messy, filled with mistakes both small and grandiose.  It’s navigating through all those moments that makes the journey so amazing.  If you are one of those women who avoids second dates and getting close to a someone, try to take the experience out for a “spin.”  You just might surprise yourself that it feels great, and complex, and full of tension and resolution much like…well….that thing we call life.  Just like family, and friends, and work, dating is filled with compromise and conflict.  It’s not Hollywood, or a romance novel, and it surely isn’t instant like Instagram where everything is ridiculously pretty to look at. It’s REAL, and perhaps you should give it a real chance. 

 

 

 

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January 25, 2017

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